Just Smile
by KaguraShinra
Summary: At Hogwarts, Remus was in love with Sirius and thought Sirius felt the same. However, when Snape informs him that Sirius and James are fooling around, he must choose decide whether or not to stay with Sirius.


Just Smile

Kagura Kyo Shinra

Warning: This is a shounen-ai story. There's not really much going on, but it has guys liking guys, so don't read it, if you don't like that.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The sun over Hogwarts had never shinned any brighter. A long, cold winter was just ending, and Remus Lupin was looking forward to another vivacious spring. Even the approaching full moon could not over shadow the fact that he was wrapped in an incredible fantasy with Sirius Black.

He sat cheerfully at the edge of the pond outside the school with a large Defense Against the Dark Arts book sprawled across his lap. Just as he was about to begin another chapter, warm hands wrapped around his eyes, obscuring his vision.

"Guess who?" Sirius' obvious voice gave him away.

"Severus?" Remus said innocently.

"What?" Sirius barked and stormed around to the front of him. "You really think I sound like that--that--that thing?"

Remus smiled coyly and patted the grass beside him. Sirius plopped down with a loud thud. Remus loved the way Sirius got worked up whenever he mentioned Snape. It always made Sirius seem so real to him.

"I was only teasing you, Padfoot."

Sirius smiled, but it was quickly replaced with a look of horror as he laid eyes on the giant book on Remus' lap.

"Are you reading again?" he asked, disgusted. "Your brain is going to explode."

"It's interesting," Remus argued. "Maybe you should try to read a book sometime."

Sirius looked at him as though he had suggested spending a lovely evening with the entire Slytherin house.

"Ah, here's somebody who makes sense," Sirius said when he spotted James heading their way.

"Padfoot, if you would please follow me," James said with a professional tone and gave an evil grin. "Remus, you are also welcome to come. I'm sure Snivillus won't mind."

"Why do I feel that if I go, I'll have to play the role of prefect?"

James gave him a sinister look that told Remus Snape had obviously done something to deserve some kind of humiliation, and although he did not like it, he could never deny James and Sirius their fun.

"Why don't you two go, and I'll just sit here and pretend I didn't hear anything."

"Great!" James shouted and grabbed Sirius arm, dragging him away.

Sirius pulled away long enough to run back to Remus and give him a quick kiss, making sure that not too many people were looking. He always said it bothered him to have people gawking at him and his boyfriend.

"I'll see you tonight," he said, running into the school after James and latching onto his arm.

Remus could not help but watch and feel himself grow a little resentful. He had been with Sirius for three months, but Sirius never held his arm that way. He never held him with that perfect admiration spread across his face, with the air that he would walk straight into the cells of Azkaban for him. Remus pushed the thought out of his mind and was about to continue his reading when he noticed somebody else walking towards him.

Snape was walking his way with his hooked nose buried in a book on potions. He stopped every so often to look around and make sure he was not running into anybody. When he realized he was heading straight for Remus, he snarled and took a sharp turn to the right for a large tree that he sat gracefully under.

Remus, curious as to why Snape was not being picked on by James and Sirius, found himself walking towards him. He stood beside the Slytherin for a while without Snape noticing he was even there. Remus always liked to watch him, although he had to be careful about it because, if anybody saw him, he'd never hear the end of it. Although, Snape had a rather greasy appearance, Remus thought he was, in general, very pretty.

"Severus?" Remus said quietly.

Snape looked at him as though his voice had burned his skin.

"What do you want?" he hissed.

Remus took a step backwards, but forced himself to muster all his strength and sit down. He always felt a pang of sympathy when looking into Snape's hardened face. Nobody deserved to be as utterly alone as he always was.

"What are you doing?" Snape asked, incredulous.

"Good," Remus said with a nervous smile. "You've got the potions textbook. I was hoping you could help me with my essay."

Snape stared at him.

"Go find your boyfriend, Lupin," he said, still unbelieving that Remus had taken it upon himself to speak to him.

"Actually I don't know where he and James went. I thought they were going to torment you. That's what James made it sound like, but here you are, and I don't see them."

Snape blinked and carefully got to his feet. He tucked his book under his arm and walked along to the next tree, where he sat down and began reading again.

"Yes, I like that tree better too!" Remus yelled and bounced after him.

Snape groaned and glared at him dangerously.

"Now that I think about it, Lupin, I saw Potter and Black on my way out here," he said icily. "They looked right at me and didn't say anything. If I recall clearly, Potter's hand was sneaking its way up Black's shirt." He made a disgusted face.

Remus felt a jolt of panic run through his body, but he ignored it. Snape was just the person to play with his fears, and then again, something in Snape's words did ring clear.

"Something else must have come up," Remus suggested casually.

"You are quite blinded by your feelings for Black," Snape said. "It's rather funny to watch them run around behind your back touching and kissing."

"Shut up," Remus whispered. "You're just making it up because you hate me. I never even did anything."

"Never did anything?" Snape asked. "What are you doing right now?"

"I--"

"Bothering me!" Snape yelled and stood up again. "That's all you do. It's enough to make me go insane!"

Remus watched Snape storm into the school and disappear into the stone halls. All he wanted to do was go to his room in Gryffindor tower, but something kept him from going. A foreboding in the back of his mind forced him to stay outside, alone.

Remus read the last page of his book and closed it. The sun had already set, and it was getting extremely chilly. He pulled his cloak tighter around him, but it did not do very much to warm him. He thought about the crackling fire in the Gryffindor common room and the warm hot chocolate that was surely being served at that very moment for dinner, but he stayed put. He mentally cursed himself for taking Severus so seriously, and he knew he couldn't stay out there forever, but a little longer wouldn't hurt.

"Moony!"

He turned around and smiled as Sirius came running up to him.

"Hey," he said through chattering teeth.

"What the hell are you still doing out here?" Sirius asked, outraged; he took his cloak off, wrapping it around Remus.

"I was reading and lost tract of time. When I finished, I realized how late and cold it had gotten," Remus lied.

"Come on, it's time for dinner," Sirius said and pulled Remus to his feet.

Remus' body went suddenly weak, apparently the full moon was closer than he had thought. He let his body fall against his friend's. Sirius rubbed Remus' head gently and kissed his cheek.

"Where did you go?" Remus asked.

"After Snape. Now, come on, it's too cold out here."

"Don't lie," Remus said quietly. "I saw Severus soon after you left. He said you two saw him on the stairs and just continued on your way."

Sirius adjusted them so that he was still helping to support Remus, but could look into his face.

"We got kind of detoured, I guess," Sirius said slowly. "We--"

"Did you sleep with him?" Remus interrupted, suppressed by his own directness.

Sirius didn't speak; he looked at Remus, his face turning a shade of red.

"I think that might answer my question," Remus said and pushed himself away. "I don't think this is working, but--"

"I'm so sorry," Sirius blurted out. "Just give me a second chance; it won't happen ever again."

"It doesn't matter if it doesn't happen ever again. It probably wouldn't have mattered if you wouldn't have done it at all. I can't take being with somebody who is completely devoted to somebody else."

"You can't say that," Sirius pleaded. "I'm crazy about you."

"I think you're just crazy about having somebody who cares about you," Remus said with a bittersweet smile.

"But I don't want to lose you, Moony," Sirius said; his eyes were beginning to redden.

Remus looked at his friend and smiled again, but this time it was a purely happy smile. He would never tire of hearing that voice, and he would never tire of his friend, no matter how selfish he could be at times. Sirius would always be important, but he had to think about himself as well.

"You won't lose me, Padfoot, that's why I want to end this now. I want to end it when we still have a chance to stay as close as we were before all of this. No matter what happens, I want you to know that I'm your friend and I'll always be here for you."

He gave Sirius one last gentle kiss, handed him back his cloak and walked into the castle. In the cool night air, a warm breeze blew, reminding them both that spring was just beginning.

Remus had decided to forgo dinner and just head back to the tower for some more studying. He glanced at his watch, deciding that he had almost a half an hour before people would be coming back to the tower, but just as he was finished calculating, the portrait swung open. He looked up to see James standing before him with a anxious look.

"It was all my fault, Moony," James said quickly. "I convinced him it wouldn't be a bad thing. Don't punish him."

Remus was not sure how he would feel when he saw James again. He was afraid he would hate him, but was glad to find out that no matter what James did, he could not hate him. He could never hate somebody who Sirius cared for so much, not when his vision of James was so skewed because he could only see him the way Sirius saw him.

"Padfoot and I aren't meant to be together; it would have eventually ended anyways. I'm glad it ended when we still have a chance to remain friends."

"But Padfoot really does care about you," James urged.

"And I care about him, but I also care about myself, Prongs, and I'm not going to put myself in a position where I'll be miserable. He'll never stop worshiping you, and that's something I can't live with."

James looked thoughtful, and he seemed to accept that answer.

"Then let me move onto the next thing I wanted to say," James said. "Please forgive me, Moony. I didn't do it to hurt you. I just wanted to give Padfoot something I knew he wanted."

Remus considered James' words for a moment. He had known James and Sirius since his first year, and he had noticed more than once James goading Sirius into worshiping him. If anything made him mad, it was that.

"I won't deny that I'm not a little mad at you, Prongs," Remus began. "But Sirius has a mind of his own, and it must be hard to resist temping somebody who so blatantly follows your every step. Sometimes you do have a big ego, and I think it just got the best of you this time."

"So you'll forgive me?" he asked nervously.

"I will definitely forgive you, but I want you to understand why I am mad at you."

He pulled out a picture of James, Sirius, Lily and himself and handed it to James. In the picture James was playing with his wand, making the tree beside them shake, bend or whatever he could. Behind him, Sirius watched him with a look of pure adoration burned into his eyes. Every move James made, Sirius took in.

"Padfoot has always looked at you like this. He drinks you and everything you do in. I'm not angry that you slept with my boyfriend, I'm upset that you made him think there might be a chance between you two, because there isn't."

The tiny Lily in the picture waved coyly at James, and he almost fell over his own feet trying to get to her.

"I guess I never really--I guess I just always thought it was kind of funny, having him follow me around like a pet dog. I'm sorry."

"Tell Padfoot. Tell him the way things are."

Remus took the picture back from James and tucked it into his pocket. He picked up his book and headed for the boys dormitory, feeling a pain inside of him, and he realized it was a pain purely for the hope that would soon be dead inside of Sirius.

"Lupin!"

Remus looked up from the photo he had been staring at of James, Sirius, Lily and himself, remembering he was in the kitchen of the Black house not back at Hogwarts. Snape was holding a smoking goblet out to him with a snarl.

"Sorry, I was thinking about Sirius," he said with an apologetic smile.

Snape snorted and slammed the goblet down onto the tale, spilling some of it.

"I was just thinking how on Earth I could have thought, for twelve years, that he had caused James and Lily's deaths."

"And?" Snape pressed, clearly upset that Remus had thought he wanted to hear his thoughts on the late Sirius Black.

"I think that I wanted Sirius to be capable of killing James. I was so jealous of him," he whispered bitterly. "But I never hated him for what he did or for the way Sirius felt about him."

Snape's lip curled. "Touching."

"But what about you, Severus?" Remus asked brightly. "Wasn't there anybody you had a crush on?"

A small amount of color flushed Snape's face, and he headed for the door, instead of answering.

"James thought you had a thing for Lily."

"Her!" Snape bellowed and spun around to face Remus again. "I did not have a crush on her. I would never like somebody so obviously meant for Potter. The person I liked was--" He stopped talking as though somebody had hammered his mouth shut.

Remus raised an eyebrow, and a slightly evil smile spread across his face.

"So you did," he said sinisterly. "Please don't stop."

"Yes Lupin. Let's sit down and have some tea, and I'll tell you all about myself," Snape said sarcastically. "Why would I tell you my shoe size let alone who I may have liked in school."

"I'm not embarrassed that you know how I felt about Sirius--"

"Oh yes, the wonderful Sirius Black who's mere presence could make you weak in the knees. Who's mere voice could take your attention away," Snape snarled.

"Yeah, he did do that," Remus said with a nostalgic smile. "He was fantastic."

A rather odd feeling swept over Remus as he was grabbed by the arm and pulled toward Snape. Their lips met in a rough and breathtaking explosion. Before Remus could really comprehend that he was being kissed by Snape, he was released.

"Always bothering me," Snape grunted. "That brilliant mind and tight, little body. So annoying," he hissed.

Remus' eyes grew wide and he could not speak, only stare as Snape's face turned redder than he had ever seen it, and knowing his own probably matched.

"If you'll excuse me, Dumbldore wanted to speak with me," he said, almost nervous.

Remus had a notion to stop him, but decided against it. There'd be plenty of time to stop him, and Remus wasn't going to rush anything. He picked up his picture. From behind James, a tiny Sirius gave him a winning grin and a thumbs up. Remus couldn't help but catch the smile.

Owari

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Sirius Black ga sukidesu yo!


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